Last night I have yet another friend approach me and say they have alopecia. That makes it 3 friends now who’ve also got this, although they’ve only got small patches so they aren’t quite as severe as me. It’s kinda cool thinking that people trust me enough to tell me, because when you have patches it’s easy to cover them and just keep it secret, and it’s nice to know that they want to tell me they have it too. There’s a message to anyone else who reads this and thinks “this girl’s just like me”; you don’t have to keep it secret as your friends will still support you no matter what.
Talking of friends, my mates are being very supportive of me today as for our last day at school, I’m wearing a multiple-coloured wig (picture below). I love doing things like this – turning my lack of hair from a confidence-knocking worry into something everyone finds hilarious. As I walked along corridors between lessons, I could see some of the younger years grinning and the odd friend crying of laughter on the floor; it felt amazing making that many people laugh in such a stressful time.
Although today was kind of a good day, it hasn’t particularly ended well. Considering alopecia is a stress related condition, you can imagine that high pressure situations don’t do anything good for me. Well, they don’t, but not in the way you’d expect. Because I’ve accepted I’m not going to have any hair in the next year (or possibly 3) I think my brain has found a new way to deal with stress – panic attacks and extreme anxiety. Woop-dee-doo (not). I’ve been having small panic attacks since maybe November, but tonight I had a full-blown meltdown. Now, I know I’m not the only one in this situation as a lot of my classmates have been having breakdowns too, but I’m just feeling a bit fed up of my brain and body constantly reacting to stress negatively. I’ve been doing knitting to try and release some of my stress, and doing crafty hobbies does help a bit but this is starting to feel a bit ridiculous. My mum was really nice to me in the car when I had this meltdown tonight, and I really would say talk to someone if you feel pretty awful – it doesn’t have to be a parent, it could be a friend or some loser like me but it really releases some of the mental strain to share it. Or you could write about it in a blog (which is basically what I do, complain online) – they’re actually really fun to do!